The who of which is I

2005-10-11T21:15:00.000-07:00

It's fucked.

I hate being a long distant parent and having zero control over what's going on.

Gratitude

2005-10-10T12:12:00.000-07:00

Things that I am grateful for at age 29

Being happy that I've gotten past all the misery of being an unwise 20 year old
Getting over the Drug hooplah
Having a passport
Reminscing about the old days with the 12:00 Throwback on Z90
Having the ability to make money
Wisdom that comes with wanting to learn about Christ because I want to not because someone tells me I have to
Being happy when I am alone
Not having to rely on friends for sense of self
Appreciating good writing
Focusing on bettering my position through education no matter how much time I think it will take
Looking back at my 20's and being proud that I'm resilient and determined

G.H.E.T.T.O

2005-10-07T20:31:00.000-07:00

The most frustrating thing about my living situation right now is seeing my environment. On my way to the gym, I was down the street and I saw this old beat up no-mo'-muscle car overheating at a stop sign. I turned the corner and at the next block there were two 15-year-old girls walking down the street-they were actually stopped at the corner smoking cigarettes. At the very same block, there was a guy taking a hit of a bowl. At the same corner.

Sad. And extremely inspiring.

How the heck do you add links to other blogs on this thing???

Across the Board Info

2005-10-06T21:51:00.000-07:00

Today was a weird day.

I went to work and did 90% of nothing today. Then I got home and vegged out when I should have gone to the library or at the very least had a convo with the Fireman(tm) since there's imbalance right now. Instead I was online and doing things that were completely irrelevant which was nice. A day to myself.

I spoke to Vernon yesterday. He's going to start chemotherapy on Thursday. I'm sending good energy his way.

Crazy David called me to ask if I was suffering from Insomnia. I said no. Then he offered to supply me with a hefty supply of sleep aid. I don't even want to know what that was all about.

I'm not feeling well right now. The whole thing with G (aka the Fireman) really has me in disaccord. First and foremost the fact that there's a level of disrespect, albeit humorously, creates an idea that I allow it. Negative. I am so not about having people around that believe I allow it. There's more invested with him though.. Feelings, intimacy, emotion to a level that hasn't trancended the whole of my heart and soul, definitely not. Not that it wouldn't be possible, I've just created that boundary that I haven't let him in. Plus the whole thing that he commented on about Vernon and our relationship. Ill. No bueno. It's totally consumed more time than I should have allowed for already. He received my text, I'm sure and consciously decided to ignore it. 'Nuff Said.

On a lighter note - literally - I am on day 4 of my workout regimen. Right now it's all cardio. 1 hour of moderate resistance training primarily on the tread and crostrainer. I'm all 'different level' about me working out right now. I am including my eating habits which I've been on point with. I started for three weeks with Weight Watchers because I found that it was clear and not restricting to the point of frustration as is with all stupid diets. It decreased my desire to consume unnecessary excess and now I'm cooler than the other side of the pillow-man. Right now I'm hitting 155. I dropped 8 so far. I'm not rushing it because there's no point. But it's more a matter of discipline.
In Reading.
In Writing.
In Study.
In Weight.
In Excess.
In Spirit.
In All.

Truth.

The non-vanilla flavors of your favorite Icre Cream Shoppe

2005-10-06T21:10:00.000-07:00

This is the Intro post to my blog. My last thoughts decesed at livejournal.com. I'm over them. I don't know but this begins Chapter 2 of my online journal.